Mission to Magdalene

I think these should go in some water, don't you? 

But only to the supermarket! 

He can take me shopping! 

Look what we found on the back seat! 

Look at my lovely new wheels! Toby really enjoyed driving back, we are looking forward to visiting other far flung corners of the country and the continent.

What do we have here? is this a car? our car? Toby's Parents very kindly have given us an early wedding present and contributed most of the dosh towards this fabulous beastie. There was a lovely surprise on the back seat too (see picures). It's bigger than I'd expected and I think will serve us well for a good few years to come. It's got a big boot and the seats fold completly flat too which is going to be very useful.

Toby wanted to get the boiler checked before we sell the flat, the builder ran out and didn't fill in the book so we would feel better if it's got the appropriate approval stamp. Surprise Surprise, it was faulty and had been since we got it, the valve was leaking slightly which explained why it goes whomph instead of woosh each time it fired up. We can't use it at all until it's been seen so that's no hot water or heating. Looks like I'll be using the gym and we bought a little heater for 20 quid from Argos. Pooh the hot water bottle came in very handy and spent most of the night down at our feet (poor bear) after doing a very good job here of warming Toby's pillow. 

As Christine's said, I've got the next week off, then I start my new job in Cambridge. It's come round very quickly - it seems just last week that I gave in my notice, probably because they've been working me hard for the last month, getting the projects that I was on in a state to hand over (I finished one, and documented the other).

Had a good last day on Friday - I was working away, getting everything finished, when Allie asked if she could borrow me for a sec... turned round and there were the team giving me a card and a trio of bottles - a shiraz, a pinotage, and a lovely vintage port :) Quite unexpected, I was a bit teary when I said I'd miss them all.

Then it was off down the pub at lunchtime, from which, despite all good intentions, I never quite made it back from.

(Luckly I had thought ahead and bought a sandwich on the way in, which I had at my desk. This saved me from the worst effects of, ahem, "several" pints of beer ;)

So, a week off! Apart from unwinding, I'm going to research cars, look for houses in Ely and move some stuff to Ely ready for Monday morning. I'm looking forward to my new job, should be a change! Apparently I'll be in support to begin with, to get to know the product, before moving on to development.

And talking about my new job, I had a breakthrough with being unreasonable... I want to continue being team leader at Landmark after we move to Cambridge, but that means coming to London once a week for my assisting agreement, which would mean leaving work 1/2h early once a week. I put off talking to work about this for a couple of weeks until Tania (my staff member at Landmark) confronted me and asked how I could be a team leader and support people to have breakthroughs if I wasn't prepared to be unreasonable with myself... So next day I rang, said I wanted to sort things out before I started, and asked if I could work extra one day and leave early the next. I gave them the option of saying no if it didn't work, and they said yes. Simple really, but the only way I could make the call was to realise that the only thing stopping me was me worrying about what they might think of me for asking. In fact Barbara (my boss to be) was quite interested in what I was up to!

We had a team leader training day this weekend, and four diferent people told me how alive and confident I'd become since last month's training :) It feels great to be taking control of my life.

Sunday evening, weekend's almost done got a few nice plans of things to do in Holland over Christmas. Jantine's singing in the Dom so we will be going to see that, I'm going to see if I can get a possie on Christmas day to go. Janet's definitely coming over too. I'm looking forward to finding a mixed race baby doll for Maaike for Christmas, it's as triumphant as me falling in love with a brown eyed doll when I was 6. It was the prize in a name the doll competition, mum chose the winning name and the doll was mine. I will never forget that!
Toby's off all week to chill out, buy a car, move some stuff to Ely and look at houses to buy. It's all happening and I am just really aware of how quickly Christmas comes around. I've ordered a load of presses from Amazon.co.uk for various people - saves me hitting the shops and buying a load of things for me I dont need, not to mention useless decorations considering we won't be here for any of Christmas and new year.
In asking Dad what videos he fancied for Chrismas we had a good chat about everything and nothing, as usual which is always very nice. He said he'd ring mum and put her mind at rest about doing the forum with me at Christmas. I have no idea if it will work, or have the opposite effect. I will just have to trust him. He's coming up week after next for some chrizzy shopping and to buy me a birfday pressie. We might have a look round the National Museum of Cartoon Art too, Dad dropped it into the conversation and I looked it up on-line and we have the new address...

A snippet from the ongoing email conversation between Chantal and myself in the run up to Christmas:
Chantal wrote:
Wowie... You're definitely on track with all your make-up gadgeteering... I'm very curious to see what you have found! I've missed out on a lot of that, the last couple of years...
I've found myself a great new mascara (combined with a very clever lash curler), its from Revlon, called 'Lash Tint'... once you put it on, it dries and stays on for up to 3 DAYS... not that I need it to stay on that long, but it means that it's absolutely waterproof and tearproof, no other mascara has ever accomplished that on my teary (laughing too much) and greasy eyelids...!
So I'm very very content, when I wake up the next morning, and I haven't taken it off, it's still there just where and how I put it on, with noooo black traces ANYwhere... so mrs. Panda is out the door and Praise the Lord for technology... yes, yes... all very important compared to starvation in Darfur. But OK, Ecclesiasts says that there's a time for everything, so I can be truly sobbing my eyes out without ending up looking like a dark eyed heroïn-addict with an 'eating (too much) disorder' when seeing those horrible images on TV...

Sooo... Wednesday is 'on' then...
Christmas is usually on the first day going on a social pig-out gourmet session with my family, great fun and the kids can all play, because it's in the 'club house' of my uncle John's soccerclub. So no irritations in a very expensive child-unfriendly restaurant!
On boxingday, we always have our own family day, that's just us and the kids. No appointments with anybody, deliberately, but I can talk to Marcel about having you over for a cupper in the early afternoon? We always cook a lovely dinner with help of the kids, they set the festive table with us, and we have some real quality time together in those hectic days.

As far as I'm concerned I would like to see you as much as possible, but I know there's more to do than holding my hand, so please tell me when you would like to see me / us (date and time-wise)so I can block that time in my agenda!!!

Anyway, I've got to get some work done here, so I'll hear from you soon!

Big hugs and kisses,
Chanti
xxx
I replied,

Wednesday and Thursday is good for me! I'm not sure what I'll do with Toby when it come's to makeup shopping, we will work it out.The mascara thing sounds very interesting, I have an electric lash curler, it will be interesting to compare 'curl' this will be fun.

This weekend's been a good weekend, had loads of fun, mostly at Landmark, I'm glad Toby is on the course with me, we get to do stuff we like together and everyone keeps acknowledging him for how much more confident and at peace he is. Since we've started this year long program, (free by the way) we've decided to start a new life in Ely, Toby's got a better paid job, we've sold the flat and are on track to move just after Christmas. there's another 9 months progam left so watch this space. It's funny we don't know how we are going to make our goals become a reality but somehow we will make them work. It sounds a bit Hollywood but, if nothing else, this course makes us see that if you speak it, it happens, so you better speak it powerfully and with love!

Toby's off next week and starts his new job next week, he will be off to buy a car with his dad on Tuesday and Wednesday so who knows, we want a 5 door Yaris with passenger airbag and a 1.3 or 1.4 engine (petrol or diesel - both are the more fuel efficient of the choices available). It will be 'different' and just another step on the road to Ely and a totally new life.

I've started looking for jobs online, to start in the new year. I'm looking in terms of what will pay well, I'm thinking HR - I'm a good communicator. Anyway, looking forward to seeing you very, very, soon - these next few weeks are going to go frighteningly fast, I can feel it!

Lots of love,Christine.

I'm not sure if I should be questioning Toby's masculinity or spotting his potential to be a father. Either he looks pregnant or he's pretending to be a stay at home dad. Pooh is absolutley wonderful if you feel crappy, he really could cheer any miserable bugger up...

When I got home after lunch, this was the image I saw as I walked through the front door. Pooh is a hot water bottle, I bought it to make me feel better during my time of the month. Toby got a stomache bug and was up all last night on the bog, I made him a hot water bottle this morning before I left and I imagine it's been there since... 

This is the fabulous 'gherkin' landmark skyscraper from it's base. This lunchtime, I walked past it to go and book a table for our work Christmas do at Scu-zi's which is just behind this magnificent thing. As you can see it was a glorius november day. The computers went down today and I spent all day booking restaurants having a makeover and being sent home after lunch. Not bad really. 

I'm going to show this picture to our children to make them feel guilty for how old I'll look - healthy fresh faced, nearly 34 and wearing pigtails! 

Spot the difference - both wearing red... 

I'm grumpy and have found my humanity. So I thought I'd blog. I have no reason to be grumpy other than there's always stuff to do and I generally would like to blame it on Toby but actually it's just stuff to do, we share the stuff to do and that's all it is.
I've just watched a documentary on the rise of Marilyn Manson, I kinda missed his rise to fame due to having left my avid interest in the alternative music scene to one side by about 2000. I still listened to the radio - Xfm, 6 music and John Peel but I was probably into Nine Inch Nails about the same time as Marilyn Manson was when he was a bloke called Brian in Florida. Anyway, he was drawing pictures and writing dark poetry about the same time as I was, my musical tastes, were similar - as were Toby's. What was really extraordinary about MM is that he knew what he wanted to be and that, that was all there was to do. When he first played live, they couldn't play, he wasn't handsome or even remotely interesting to look at but he had something to express and to communicate. I can see a kind of egocentric sort of generosity in sharing your darkest questions with anyone else who is interested. It is reaching out to everyone and asking to share their humanity in a way.
When I was in bands and dressing like a punk/goth I could play, I had songs I'd written and I knew other musicians. I had so little faith in myself that to even admit I wanted to look good was impossible, it had to be a statement of some other cause rather than an expression of who I was. Beauty was for beautiful people and I wasn't one of them. To aspire to that was foolish and above all I would be mocked and laughed at for even trying. I communicated to the world that I wasn't trying so leave me alone.
We went to a concert at Ely Cathedral on Saturday night and all it really did was remind me that I have a musical side that I have put to one side. I have bags of creativity and a gift I can share that I deprive myself of and ultimately anyone else who wanted to listen.
My big insight has two sides, one that in order to be free, one has to see one's self as beautiful, whole and complete regardless of fashion or standards. The impact of not doing so is never being able to aspire to anything that attracts you, thrills you or challenges you - it will always be a someday one day.
The other is that if you believe in something or someone, have a 'stand' that the dream will one day be fulfilled in some shape or form that it will most probably be possible even if you don't know how. It takes courage and faith in the universe, that forgiveness plays a big part on a day to day basis and to never take your eyes off the bigger picture.
I'm glad we are moving out of London to Ely. I just am. I can see us creating a life rich with passion and adventure. That Toby and I will get to experiment with our dreams and make our lives interesting and fruitful. I reckon we will get to share it too, with alot of people.

We've sold the flat! it looks like we will be moving either just before or just after Christmas. We got 220k which is what we wanted and completly by chance it was a private buyer which means we keep all of that!
I've had an amazing evening at Landmark. The last month or so has been just hard work and being with I don't know how to do it and being that it will happen anyway, doing what I can where I can, when I make my self wrong, getting off it and believing it will work out. This evening, this bloke I know who's done as much Landmark as me, is experienced full of integrity and skill, he walked up with me and basically told me that he was taking on 2 of the 3 team captain places I need to fill! Then I started to call to confirm people for saturday and miraculously all the people I'd had successful conversations with over the past month - 5 to be precise, and had said they'd think about coming said they were definatley comeing on Saturday. I was so happy. I think I'm starting to get a handle on inspiring commitment in people and being straight. Also, not giving up plain and simple, I so wanted to give up! and I didn't! I am unstoppable!