Mission to Magdalene

It's Janet's birthday today, must remember to take some pickies of her and Mark on Friday.
I'm shattered and very sweaty. Summer is finally arrived and it's a hot sticky night. This week has really been return of the Landmark and next week will be Landmark's revenge. I'm really enjoying it, I've been Adam this week causing reggies on the Causing the Miraculous and tonight I've been myself, it's been very full on and I was very productive. I've got a few week's until this accountability ends and the new one begins. There's noone to replace me and most of my team are completing. oops.
Work has been very busy too, only cos I make it and I enjoy being energetic there every day. I got a little too assertive today and got some funny looks from people not liking being explained stuff by a temp who has too much enthusiasm. I've been feeling unloved and like I don't belong.
Very familiar. It's definitely a stop to power. I'm in a story, living in my head. My ego is bruised, I feel superior one minute and not fit to hide under the desk the next. Every time I open my big mouth I say something that lands in a world of no listening.
I know that I need to sit back and just be myself. The listening will come back, the gossip goes round in circles. I just crave attention, that's not their problem.
Over the weekend we looked at how we would create the possibility of holding the wedding the way we  want and not be in debt by the end of it. At the moment  the probable certain future is that we will be 20k in debt. We are doubtful of getting a mortgage because I'm not working full time and we've not had any luck getting full price for the flat anyway. At the moment, we seem to be hanging on the the flat. If I manage to get a permanent job by next spring, there will also be no penalties for changing the mortgage and we can go from there. Toby will probably have had a pay rise too.
At the moment we are just waiting. Time for action is nigh.

Friday night, and the weekend's just began. I got no less than three mentions on the radio this morning plus they played Baker Street covered by the foo fighters for me. Mark emailed me from Holland to tell me he'd heard all my mentions. The funny thing is I was listening the whole time and missed all three first time round. What's even spookier is Mark texted me to say he'd heard me mentioned on the radio and that they'd played Baker Street already. I spent all Thursday evening trying to find what they'd said and couldn't find anything. The mentions were very nice however.
It's been a busy week and my period started yesterday. I felt like my brain had turned to fudge and I'd been kicked in the stomach. Today my tum was fine but I had a stonking head ache all day. I was in a reasonable mood though. I had a nice luck with a different Mark from work at spits, he had a pie and I had a lovely potato salad made by my own fair hands last night. I'm now listening to the vapors, Turning Japanese! Toby's choice... We've had Lamb, the Thompson Twins and something else very 80's. coool.
Gary emailed me back today too, he seems to be Ok, this is scouse Gary from Holland. Gary the snail. Ah, thanks Toby, fade to grey, visage now. This really is 80's night.
Once I finish my bottle of Corona, I'm off to bed, long day tomorrow. I think I'm off it now. We went to Landmark to prepare the handouts for the weekend, Toby for Saturday, Me for Sunday. The place was in chaos and my fudge brain made it worse. I'm out of integrity and justified my chaotic state by blaming Landmark. I just ended up with earache and a head ache. We are on to Ultravox now, Vienna. and about 4 mouthfulls of beer.
I've just been teasing Toby with one of my hair grabby things, he's got no sense of humour when it comes to being pinched violently, I can't think why. I can't understand why I'm so evil sometimes. It is fun though. Eurithmics, Sweet dreams.
I forgot I was half way through editing my sainsburys order. Their site seems very slow so I've taken my trolley to the check out for the time being. Toby's working out how much money we owe. It's very dark I'm afraid, plus I suspect we might have to put off selling now until next year. It will be easier if by then I have a permanent Job. That should be my game for the time being. I'm really hopeful for the Thames Reach job as Receptionist. I am well capable of that job.
This next year we will need to save like crazy, the predictable certain future is that we will be very in debt. We need to shift that an cause a miracle. I'm up for a miracle and so is the Tobemonster. If we both have that at stake for the year we stand a good chance of making it work. I'm really up for that.
I've finished my beer, it's taken me about 35 minutes to write this! night.

I've had an amazing evening. I did a seminar announcement for a seminar for the first time. I had loads to do, none of which got done but I got to stand up in front of 80 odd people and share about the possibility of assisting. It was the scariest, most exiting thing I've done in quite a while and it's something I've wanted to do for ages. I knew I'd do a good job. As it was, I got 19% interest which is well above the 12% minimum acceptable. Eamon is leading it with Nick klien. Eamon and I have assisted together way back when he was trying to get to be an introduction leader, he's come a kick ass leader and Jamie Oliver's Head chef. Eamon was my guinea pig for my exercise to music exam, we created the possibility of the muppets and I passed with flying colours. It was amazing. I have the greatest love out of assisting, the possibilities invented and the getting off it brought me and Toby together. It really does work, this stuff.
I'm waiting for phil jupitus to play the foo fighters version of baker street and to mention me as I was informed by Mark Baker. I will owe Mark a pint if they mention me again! I've done most of the listen again bit from Tuesday and I can't find it yet! I don't know when I'll get the chance, but I will!

Wow, it's 10.30 and we have just come back from one of the best days I think I've had all year. I've had a few good days but this one was fabulous. It was the annual penguin beach party in Dymchurch, on the coast of Kent. It involves breakfast in McDonalds on the A20 south of London, being given a tape, a pack of sheets of A4 images, a symbol printed on a piece of paper on a stick - this time a banana, and a convoy of 5 cars full of friends who start the tape on Penguin's count down. The banana was for the na na na bits, the papers for the song we have to mime and lots of being crazy and singing along whilst overtaking each other peleton style all the way to the coast.
By the time we were about 10 miles away, the sun had gone in and the rain got harder and harder, the roads were flooded, thunder started and by the time we got to Dymchurch it was tropical storm time. We spent the next 2-3 hours in the pub while it pissed down, and I really mean pissed down like a tropical storm. We played pool, darts, did the puzzles in the independent on Sunday and I drunk 3 g and t doubles. By now it was 3pm, we were very hungry and we couldn't see the rain stopping, so... To the fish and chip shop.
Then we went to the beach, ate our fish and chips...It stopped raining...The sun came out! Then we played a big game of 7 aside ultimate Frisbee on the beech. Then we ate bbq food, then we played rounders! Then. We were warm, the sun was warm and it seemed the perfect opportunity to go swimming. So we did, about 7 of us ( I was the only girl) swam for about 20mins which is the longest time I've ever spent in the sea off the coast of Britain.
Then we bbq'ed marsh mallows and ate fruit pie. Finally we left at 8.30 and just got home. It was a fabulous day with about 18 of the nicest people, mostly uni friends of Toby. We got to run around on the beach and have a marvelous out door time. And we held out for the weather! We waited 3 hours for the rain to stop!!! but it was Ok cos the people we were with were great to be with. (including Stef who's going to be Toby's best man for our wedding).
Now we are watching Wayne,s World, Excellent!

I just had a lovely bath with clarins blue stuff and used a sample of the blue smell moisturising lotion so I'm smelling very zen or something. It's herby and relaxing I don't really know how else to describe it. No wonder I don't work in marketing...
Funny day today. After being publicly humiliated by my boss she managed to apologise and acknowledge me in the process which is much more than any other temp I know has got. ?All I know is I really did some getting off it, faster than I've ever managed previously. I was going through all the thoughts about finding another job and somehow I knew I was just being right, not to take it personally, remembered empty and meaningless in there and visibly lightened up enough that I was approachable to accept an apology and acknowledgement for taking ownership and being motivated.
It's funny, they are completely who I am now. I know how hard I fought to stay lazy and easily distracted and how much I know myself to be a failure. To know my self as confident, committed and at peace with myself is a relatively new state of being for me. Today it really came into it's own. The real test is the long term implications. I'm not sure if being offered a grade 5 position would be my result, it would certainly show she trusts me, she gives me enough g5 work. To me, a result would be a permanent job at any level. Although, saying that it wouldn't make any difference right now to the mortgage application, as I'd need to have been employed for 6 months plus. Maybe for the next property eh?
We had another viewer for the flat via the internet. She seemed to like it, talked about bringing partner to have a look. We shall see. I hope they like it. She seemed the perfect person for the flat.
We have bummed out of swimming this week. That resolution didn't survive very long.
Toby got me a Spiderman graphic novel out from the library yesterday, bless him, so I'm off to bed to read that.
Night.

It's a wonderful lazy saturday, we have an intire bbc radio comedy to listen to thanks to Valerie and I am blogging my first blog on our new second hand laptop.
Valerie arrived with Oliver yesterday. I made an impromptue cheese and spinach pasta thing, we had planned curry but we missed one vital ingredient, curry sauce. Bum.
We played a very entertaining game of guess the famous person - a very simple game involving a sense of humour and 4 sheets of paper, then watched Valeries parachute video.
They headed off to bristol after a very nice bagel breakfast laid on by yours trully.
We are listening to a series Valerie bought in the BBC shop in Brighton, Old Harry's game. I think we are on about 8 by now. We had a nookie break followed by a cuddle and a sleep around lunch time and I'm currently digesting pizza and ginger beer. What a wonderful proposition, 'would you like some lunch or sex? or sex then lunch? alright then, do you mind if I go to the loo first?'.
The week has been good, Wednesday is probably of note. It was the City of London BBQ. It pissed with rain but free food and beer in the blue lamp bar, a few rounds of pool with rachel, gareth, simon and mark (who left early)plus 6 free pints of Fosters turned into a very good evening. It was fun to go to the pub with rachel, simon and gareth too. It's nice to be working somewhere with some good characters. They are all about 5 years younger with me and remind me a little of me back then, it made me feel young on one side and old on the other, lucky to be in the position I am now, older, wiser, engaged etc. Missing that young, sexy, dating, energy to drink 5 nights a week etc. I think I'm glad to be old in the long run.
I wonder what the rest of the weekend will bring. Fun eh?

As Toby mentioned we have been swimming every morning this week (with the exception of Monday when we almost did - we even got out of the house by just gone 7, we then remembered the painters were coming at 8 to paint the door)
It's working well, just 20 minutes worth every morning. We walk over to leadenhall in about 20-25 mins, do our swim, Toby eats his breakfast from a tupperware in the cafe and then off to work.
I gave blood yesterday and unlike last time when I was most probably dehydrated and not eating very well, I've been eating loads of fruit and veg and drinking plenty as well as exercising! The blood flowed very freely and I filled the bag in about a quarter of the time it took last time. It stopped really quickly too.
I spent yesterday afternoon emailing my TLP group and posting photos from the holiday. As you can see, out of 8 days, we took pictures on just three. No reason, just did. There are a couple of pictures, now that I've looked at things that need to be added. Toby watched Underworld, a vampire extravaganza. Pretty good, alot better than Van Helsing, this even had plot twists. The costumes were very Goth. Which is good.